Compliance, Dependance, and Thievery
by nodumbbitch
Summary: Rory and Jess have to figure out what's happening before he can just leave her for the third time. Oneshot.


**Compliance, Dependance, and Thievery  
**_a Gilmore Girls one-shot by skazumbi the loveli_

I stared at him. The words slipped out of his mouth as though in slow motion. "I love you." It was so hard for him to say it, I knew. I just knew it was hurting him, saying this. What could I do? I was floored. He was saying this to me, after nearly a year of not talking. It had felt like thousands of years. I had missed him, this much was true. I had told myself, my mother, my friends, a couple hundred times that I was over him. But I knew I wasn't. He clearly wasn't over me. So what then?

He saw the look on my face of utter disbelief and looked defeated. He began to walk away and I couldn't move. I saw him get into his car. I felt like a statue. I was a statue. This wasn't supposed to happen. This was supposed to go differently. THIS WASN'T SUPPOSED TO HAPPEN LIKE THIS.

I watched the car drive up by me, and I had a sudden burst of anger. He couldn't leave after dumping this on me. I turned and began running after his car. The car pulled to a stop and turned off. I caught up with him, and he rolled down his window. "You can't do that. It isn't fair," I said at him sharply.

"If all you're going to do is talk to me like a little child, I'm sick of it."

"You can't just dump that on me and expect me to digest it in thirty seconds, Jess. You can't just walk away. Or... drive away, either." He gave me a look, and stepped out of the car. "Why? Why did you come back?"

"To get my car?" he said in his way. He was either getting nervous or pissed off, I couldn't tell which.

"Then why'd you tell me... that?"

"It seemed like a good idea at the time." This he said rather sheepishly. "I don't know Rory. I don't know why I said it. Maybe because it's true?"

"Jess, you've got to be kidding me? Did you really come all the way out here just to tell me you love me? Couldn't you have done that, you know, before you took off? Or couldn't you have been considerate and never called, never let me know you were still alive? Oh wait, you already did that."

"Rory, I am not the bad guy here. Don't make me the goddamn bad guy. Please. I don't deserve that. I don't deserve that from you."

"Don't you? You're the one who left, not me. Twice. You left me twice."

"What about when you went to D.C, huh? How do you think I felt then? You kissed me, you ran away, and you left. No letter, no phone call, and you expected me to wait for you. This isn't your fairy tale world, Rory. Look around. This is real life."

"Now you're turning me into the bad guy? After you put me through that? We've already talked about D.C, so you have no right to bring that up," I said harshly. By the second, it looked like his love for me was draining away from his body and down into the gutter. A small crowd of people at the festival were looking over at us, looking very, very interested.

"Rory, I came here to get my car. I felt like..." His defenses were weakening. "I felt like I had to make up for something. I needed closure. You needed closure."

"That. Is. Not. CLOSURE. That's a helluva lot more open than it was before, Jess." He just shook his head and began to run his hands through his hair. I crossed my arms tightly over my chest. He was fishing for words to say. I took my chance and closed the space between us. I missed him far too much. I brushed my lips against his and he stepped back in surprise, but he kept me close to him. He slowly pulled away.

"What was that for?" he asked me, keeping his head close to mine, keeping his hands on the small of my hack. My hands rested lightly on his shoulders, and I smiled up at him. "Just because?" he asked.

"Just because." I said quietly. He kissed me again quickly, and we heard cheers from the town square. We pulled apart to see a bunch of happy couples looking over at us, clapping and "aw"-ing. Lorelai pushed to the front of the crowd, looking excited, and then saw Jess and I together and he arms, holding lots of food, slowly fell to her sides. She smiled meekly at me, and I pulled as far away from Jess as I wanted to go. He looked over at me and sighed. He nodded towards Luke's and I followed sheepishly, sending an 'I'm sorry, explain later" look to my mother.

Inside Luke's diner, Luke was nowhere to be found. Jess kissed me again and I gave in to his hold. We stood there, caught in passion and bliss, ignoring any faces that might've gathered outside of Luke's. 'Woah, woah, woah," Luke excalimed as he appeared at the foot of the stairs. Jess and I jumped apart, and looked down at the floor quietly. "So... um, what's going on here?" Lorelai appeared in the doorway. "Lorelai, do you know what's going on here?"

"No better than you, Luke. Maybe the young'uns could explain to us. According to half the people at the festival, they were about to rip each other's throats out. There was apparently a lot of shouting. Then they kissed. Twice. Then there was cheering. Then they went off this way. I was under the assumption that it was to talk more privately, not to start a mating ritual."

"Well, that was the original plan," Jess said quietly. Luke looked from me to Jess to Lorelai and back to me. He shook his head and sat down at the counter.

"What the hell is going on?"

"I'd like to know that, too," Lorelai said quickly, also looking from me to Jess and then back. "You two were long over. What the hell happened? You were fighting, you were avoiding each other. So what's happening?"

"I don't know, Mom. I don't really know," I said, kind of desperate to get away from the staring crowd now. "Could we, maybe, take this upstairs? Or let Jess and I figure out what's going on before you attack us. Or the rest of the town attacks us?" Lorelai looked over her shoulder at everyone outside the diner who had been trying to look uninterested. Then she looked back at us. "Fine. You two can have ten minutes upstairs. I will have coffee. I'm counting exactly how much time is going by." Jess took my hand and lead me up the stairs.

"So... what is going on?" I asked him when we got up into the apartment. "Wow... it looks so... different. And yet the same. Weird." Jess took my arm and turned me to face him. His eyes were filled with frustration and hope and love. That was an emotion I had never really identified in his eyes before.

"Am I coming back to Stars Hollow? Or to New Haven? Or what?"

"I don't know. I'm sorry Jess, but I don't know." He pulled me into him and rested his head on my shoulder, rocking me back and forth. I knew what he was thinking. "Are you going to leave?" I asked quietly, holding back tears. "Again?"

"It'd be for the best," he whispered into my shoulder. He turned his head a bit and kissed my neck, still hugging me tightly. "Wouldn't it?" I pulled away from him, and he averted his eyes. "Wouldn't it?" he asked me again.

"Maybe." I was fighting back tears. I didn't want him to leave again. I didn't think I'd be able to bear it. He took my head in his hands, and held it firmly, looking directly into my eyes. I blinked away tears. He kissed me and I clung to him, letting the previously unshed tears of our entire relationship flow down my face. He tasted bitter, and the salt of my tears interrupted our kiss. He wrapped his arms around my waist and I stood up on the balls of my feet to reach him. I wrapped my arms around his neck, clinging on desperately. Neither of us wanted to be alone. It just had to happen.

Finally, we both pulled away and looked into each other's eyes, holding each other's hands, fingers intertwined. "I love you," I whispered. "I love you, I love you, I love you." He repeated the words back to me as well, but I cut him off with another tear filled kiss.

He cut it short and turned away, flinging the door open. He left me standing there, in Luke's apartment. I didn't have to see it to know that he went directly to his car. I didn't have to see it to know that the townspeople were all gossiping already about his abrupt appearance and disappearance on our night of reconciliation. I sat down, defeated on the bed he had been using, and played with the covers meekly. I laid back and inhaled. I wasn't sure if I would see him again. Ever.

Lorelai appeared in the doorway and ran to my side, holding me close. Letting me cry on her shoulder. She knew I hadn't had time to cry when he left the summer before. She was letting me do so now. I was letting myself do so now. It felt worse than ever.

* * *

The door swung open in the midst of my laugh. Dean tensed visibly, and so did I. Jess walked quickly over to me, trying to ignore Dean.

"What the hell is he doing here?"

"Shut up, Frankenstein. I need to talk to Rory." Dean just stood there threateningly, but I looked at him pleadingly. I needed to finish this with Jess. I had to. I nodded for Dean to leave, but he didn't take the hint. I ran one hand through my hair, and kept the other crossed tight over my chest.

"Dean, please, just go. I'll call you later, alright?" He looked defeated and began to walk away. He was muttering to himself. As soon as he turned the corner, I walked into my dorm, which was currently occupied by many, many boxes.

"Rory, we need to talk," Jess said, following me.

"Do we, really Jess? We... I don't know what happened. Why didn't you call?"

"I was confused. Rory, please. I've changed. I can be better now, I can be here for you." I turned to face him in disbelief.

"You came all the way out here to tell me that you've changed? What the hell?" He took my arm, but I jerked it away from him. "What do you want, Jess?"

"I don't know. I just... I've changed."

"You said that already."

"Well I have." There was a small silence. It felt completely empty. "Come with me. I want you to come with me."

"Come with you? Jess, I can't do that. I have school."

"I know but... please, just for the summer. Or just for the week-end. See, you're already packed. You don't need to pack anything else. We'd be all set to go. I'm already packed. We could go wherever we wanted. We could be together, the way we wanted. Please, I can be there for you now. I've changed."

"Stop saying you've changed, Jess. I can't come with you." He was disheveled and exhasperated. He looked at me wildly, like he was truly hurt by what I was saying. He moved closer to me, and I took a step back. He lowered his outreached hand and looked down at the floor. "Jess... you just left. Three times."

"The last time, we both agreed that it was for the best. We both agreed. WE BOTH AGREED," he shouted this last statement.

"I CAN'T COME WITH YOU." Was this going to turn into another shouting match? I wasn't sure, but this time, when he moved close to me, I didn't move away. I kept my ground. I was immovable. He touched my cheek. I didn't flinch, but just looked at him coldly.

"You've missed me, I know you have. Don't lie to yourself, not again, Rory. Not again." I looked at him pleadingly now. I just needed him to go. I needed to not do anything stupid.

Too late. My hands were in his hair, feeling his skin again. We were interlocked, and I don't know how we got that way. "How..." I asked, dazedly and more quiet than any time previous. He shushed me and we continued kissing. I took his hand and lead him to the bedroom. He kissed me and we fell back onto the bare mattress. It was a good thing I owned it. I clung to the false hope that this meant anything to either of us as he unbuttoned my pants, and I unzipped his. He unhooked my bra from underneath my shirt and ran his hands over my body. I pulled his shirt off his head, feeling the warm skin. He slowly pulled my pants down off my legs after I kicked my shoes off, and then he took off his own. We lay on the bed, lost in each other, feeling each other. It was like no other feeling I had ever had.

I blinked as the light fell on my face from outside the window. Jess's arm was draped over my still-shirted body, his head nestled in the crooked of my neck and back. I smiled to myself. Then I realized what I'd done, and jumped up off the bed. "Oh my god," I said to myself, pulling my clothes back on. Jess began to stir on the bed, and he moaned before opening his eyes. He was only in his boxers, and he was looking at me pulling my pants on over my legs. Then he processed what I was doing, and jumped up, holding my shoulders.

"Rory, stop. This isn't something that didn't mean anything. It meant a lot, and you can't just panick and bolt, alright? You can't. Just... calm down."

"Jess, what are we doing? We've been broken up for over a year. What did we do?" He kissed me gently to calm me down. "What did we do?"

"We had sex. Everybody does it, it's not all that strange. It's clearly what all the cool kids are doing." He laughed quietly, and kept his forehead on mine.

"But... us. This wasn't supposed to happen."

"What would you rather have had sex with Dean? At least I'm not married." I pushed him away and went out into the common room. Jess picked up his shirt, pulling it on over his head, and following me. "Are you going to reconsider my offer?" I was biting my thumbnail, and I looked over at him. He looked at me sheepishly. "Well?"

I took a deep breath of the clear, cool air blowing through my hair. Jess looked over at me, and then back at the large cardboard boxes littering the backseat. He pulled me over to him with his one free hand (his other was on the steering wheel) and I laid my head to rest on his shoulder. He had stolen my heart, I had to admit.

The sign on the highway read "Welcome to Pennsylvania." I laughed as he tossled my hair and kissed the top of my head. This felt like freedom.

THE END


End file.
